Come Back To Me
by SubtleSpark
Summary: It is Katniss' doubts that set the tinder and fan the coals of her despair, that break down her mind and cause her to burn on a pyre of grief and waking nightmares. It seems Peeta is the only one who can save her, but he's got to save himself first.
1. Katniss

I won't say much up here that'll take up your time. Real author's note is down below.

**Disclaimer: The Hunger Games and all its characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I'm just playing around in her sandbox for a while.**

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><p>The night terror grips Katniss so tightly that there isn't enough air in her lungs to scream when she awakes. Muscles taut and adrenaline flowing, she is stumbling across the floor and into the closet before she realizes that she made the decision to move from the tangled bed sheets in the first place.<p>

It's moderately straightforward to block out the world when she is awake. To allow the world to pass while she stands still, trying to hold herself together. To be a blank slate.

It's in her dreams that she dwells, lingering over what she has lost. Her home. Finnick. Rue. Cinna. Prim. _Prim. __primprimpri-_

Her greatest failure was in losing Prim. For being too goddamned stupid to realize the trap for what it was and being too slow to do anything but watch as her little sister burned.

X

The blankness was harder to obtain without the morphling, but she manages. Staying in bed and staring at the wall for hours on end until exhaustion pulled her back down, kicking and screaming into dreams of desolation and horror, worked wonders in that respect.

And it's not like she had anyone to pull her back anymore- she doesn't deserve the comfort of the living anymore than she deserves a respite from the haunting of the dead. She didn't deserve her absentee mother, who can barely stand to speak to her on the phone. She didn't deserve brusque Haymitch, who is busy enough trying to drown his own demons. She didn't deserve Gale, who is trying to rebuild the country that she helped break.

Or Peeta. _Peeta. peetapeetapeet-_

Her sweet, sweet boy with the bread. The boy that now had to fight through the thick black miasma of Capitol memories that they forced into his head; the boy that struggled to pull his shiny and good self out from under the sludge of lies they poisoned him with. The beautiful being that they ruined because of her. To get to her.

She deserved to be in his presence least of all.

X

The closet is full of clothes that she will never wear, but they take up the majority of the space, for which she is grateful. Squeezed into what little room is left, Katniss draws her knees up into her chest and tries to douse the conflagration of fear with the truths that she knows.

_Her name is Katniss Everdeen. She is 17 years old. She is the sister of Primrose and the friend/lover/fiancée/neighbor/ally of Peeta Mellark. __She survived the 74th Hunger Games, the 3rd Quarter Quell and the rebellion against the Capitol. S__he is home._

But then she realizes that these are not certainties at all and the only thing she really knows is her name. That the winter blanket of snow that coated the remains of District 12 has melted and brought with it spring, and the possible passing of her birthday. That Primrose is dead and she no longer has a sister. That she has no idea where she stands with Peeta, if he has yet trudged through his memories of what is real and not real or even if he still lives in the Victor's Village. That while her body has survived two arenas and a war, her mind clearly has not. That while she is back in her house, without her family to fill it, the likelihood of it ever being a _home_ is slim.

It is these doubts that set the tinder and fan the coals of her despair. She burns on a pyre of grief and waking nightmares.

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><p>Well, how'd you like it? I'm still fleshing out all of this story, plus there's always room for improvement. Chapters will get longer, this is more of a prologue than a substantial segment. New chapter will be up within the week.<p>

Minor soapbox time begin.

Despite the fact that Suzanne didn't really have her characters curse, I feel like they would. Katniss in a rage would not stick to words appropriate for a young reader of 13/14... And Peeta as well. While "good" Peeta probably wouldn't, a desperate Peeta who is struggling to decipher between what he knows to be true and what has been implanted in his mind is more than likely to let out a few expletives here and there.

That being said, there'll be a bit of profanity here and there. Not an overabundance of it, but still, it'll be there. First and only warning people!

Soapbox time end.

Love it? Hate it? Let me know in a review?

SubtleSpark


	2. Peeta

Welcome back! (Or hello, if this is your first time around.) This chapter is from Peeta's point of view, but very Katniss-centric. Also, I took the slightest bit of creative license in where Peeta's burns are seeing as we never actually told where he is burned beyond his forehead and hands. Hmm.. that should be it. See you down below.

**Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins owns everything Hunger Games related. I just like to putter around in her world.**

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><p>Peeta can't scream when he wakes up, the remnant fear from his nightmare driving the air out of his lungs and causing his muscles to seize.<p>

Minutes pass slowly as he tries to breathe deeply and he feels his muscles begin to cramp. The night was a bad one for him. Based on previous experience, he knows that it will be a while before he can move freely again and decides to pass the time with the truths that he knows.

His name is Peeta Mellark. He was reaped in the 74th Hunger Games and he survived. He volunteered to participate in the 3rd Quarter Quell and was taken captive by the Capitol. He was tortured while imprisoned and using tracker jacket poison, they implanted false memories into his mind. He was rescued by rebels working with District 13, the district that had supposedly been blown to bits for inciting rebellion. He was then sent on a pseudo mission to infiltrate the Capitol with Gale Hawthorne and Katniss Everdeen…

_Katniss Everdeen_ who was also reaped in the 74th Games and either did so to save her sister or to ensure he died in the arena; and who also, by fluke, survived. _Katniss Everdeen_ who he ended up going back into the arena with for the Quell, either because she arranged it to be so or because she was the only eligible candidate. _Katniss Everdeen_ who worked with the rebels and District 13 as their Mockingjay, either to ensure his death or make sure that he escaped the Capitol safely. _Katniss_ _Everdeen_ who may or may not have taken him on a suicide mission. Who may or may not have been secretly dating Gale Hawthorne, all the while playing with his own emotions for the hell of it. Who may or not be a Capitol mutt whose first priority was to make sure he died…

The barrage of shiny memories that result from his train of thought are brutal, but expected, and he is able to view them for what they are. Other times, he isn't so lucky and the false recollections force him into a comatose state while he tries to fight them off or cause him to lash out. The fact that he is able to stay in control is a good omen, and he hopes that the rest of the day progresses in the same vein.

After finally regaining muscle control, Peeta walks to the bathroom, stripping off his sweat-dampened nightclothes as he goes. Turning on the water, he stops to examine his face and the scars along his forehead and shoulders. His cheeks are still thin, making him look more like a Seam denizen than someone who grew up in the the Merchant District, but the haunted look to his eyes that he has almost gotten used to is gone. As for his scars, the skin is still a montage of color and texture: angry red where his own skin was burned but salvageable, baby pink where the skin grafts were placed, and unblemished crème where the fire left him untouched. It wasn't pretty, not by a long shot, but they showed that he had fought. Fought and suffered and _survived_. More than scars, they were badges of honor. Ones that he would wear with pride.

X

Dr. Aurelius had told him in various sessions and upon his departure from the Capitol that repetition would help with his recovery, so Peeta attempts to revive his old routines from before the original reaping- to wake before dawn and have his bread for the day mixed and in the oven as the sun rose. The practice comes back to him quickly and the monotony of baking allows him time to think. It makes his heart ache, that the routine he now completes in his lonely Victor's house used to be accomplished in a home that always smelled of bread and rang with the sounds of three growing boys. A home that hummed with family. But the memories haven't been tampered with and he is grateful that he is to reflect on his family without worry over triggering a flashback.

However, he is only safe for so long, as thinking of the past always leads him back to thinking of Katniss.

Katniss, scared and alone after her father died in the mines when she was 11. Katniss, gaunt and starving when he burned the bread to give to her and was stuck by his mother as a result. Katniss trading with his father - bread for squirrels, always shot straight through the eye. Katniss in school, how she was always staring out of the windows like there were wonders outside of the walls that only she was privy to. Like how he imagined a lion would stare out of the bars that caged it. Katniss, forever untouchable and aloof until it came to Prim. How her face lit up and the gentle, mothering side of her shined through when she was with her little sister. The little sister that she lost when they were fighting with the rebels in the Capitol…

Remembering their mission inside of the Capitol triggers a shiny flashback of stinking, whispering mutts, screaming Avoxes, and a snarling Katniss. His hands unconsciously tighten around the hot tray he has been in the process of removing as he tries to pull himself together and the heat quickly burns through the dishtowels he has been using as potholders, enflaming his hands. The pain brings him back to reality just as swiftly as he left and he pitches the tray aside to run his burning hands under the lukewarm faucet.

He needs new memories with her, he decides, as he trudges up the stairs to retrieve the standard medical kit. New memories and experiences that would be unaffected by the Capitol's taint, if he is ever going to be able to go a day without a flashback. Despite the fact that he had only begun speaking to her a year and a half, almost two, years ago, so much of his life is wrapped up in Katniss Everdeen. She was his sole connection to the old Peeta, the Peeta from before the Games. He would need her help if he was going to get better, if he was going to be able to rediscover who he truly was.

X

The next day he wakes before daybreak again, but instead goes out past the meadow and the fence that no longer crackled with electricity. He was looking for a specific flower, he only hoped that he would be able to find enough of the bushes to plant along the side of her house.

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><p>Like it? Hate it? Let me know?<p>

Oh, and I'm looking for a beta! If you've got some experience and a bit of free time, let me know!

SubtleSpark


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